Lately...

[eiblyn]

So I haven't been writing with any sort of real seriousness lately because I've been really depressed. It's not so much an open thing as the kind of depression that you harbor in your soul and don't talk about so much. I'm having to face that a lot of the assumptions I had made about my life were not really well made. I keep thinking that in the end people are all good and they won't try to hurt me...and while they don't try that doesn't mean that I end up any less hurt. I'm the kind of person who always puts my thoughts and feelings last because they are not the things I give priority to in my life. I know that I can survive being unhappy because a large portion of my life has been spent that way but I don't want to push other people to feel that way. I can't even make assertions for my needs at times because I don't want to 'inconvenience' people. I work so hard to be open about how I feel but I realized that people can't really handle that. People can't handle it when I look at them and tell them that I'm hurting because of actions they took/did not take. I'm so tired of telling people that I'm in pain and then feeling like I need to comfort them instead of being comforted myself...I have spent so much time crying lately when no one knows because I don't want everyone/anyone to see me upset and hurting. Add that to the fact that I'm PMS'n and life is not happy. I miss therapy.

Comments

[thegreatqueen.livejournal.com]

sweety.. I can't perscribe drugs.. but I can listen...

your needs, your wants,.. your feelings they are mega important. Don't let your life get as fuck up as I let mine get before you realize that.

YOu are beautiful, intellegent, smart, insightful, and caring. ANyone who can't see that and realize it needs to be nurtured and protected is blind.



Your affaramation for the day

I am wonderful
I look great in the shoes amber made me buy
I have a kick ass rack
I'm smart
I'm funny
I am sane
I am powerful
and gosh darn it people like me


(hugs you...)

people do like you

[supurrkitten.livejournal.com]

and some of them are working on listening and keeping there advice to themselves. I have thought of you at least twice each day since our last conversation. You have every right to be happy. Don't be unhappy just cause you don't want to make someone else unhappy. You aren't making them unhappy they are making them unhappy. If you can take away consequences to peoples actions, then you are a miracle worker. (wow that no advice thing isn't going too well;) ) okay...I'm listening. Pour it out....

XO,
T

[breimh.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I've been dealing with the same type of depression you're expressing. It's not easy to work past, and I'm still struggling with it. I pushed myriad friends and family members away, when I was trying to come to terms with it. Just know that I won't give advice, or judge you; and I won't try to say anything that will cause you pain. I'm just here for you, as a friend who cares.

BTW

[supurrkitten.livejournal.com]

If you are looking for friends that aren't involved directly in your life but could become a great support system I suggest again joining the Wombats. Check them out at: http://www.ohiowombats.com It isn't a huge commitment, just an online bi-sexual support group for hot bi-babes.

T

[stormlight811.livejournal.com]

Ouch! Sympathies, and God I wish I didn't empathize with what you're describing quite so well. It's three times as hard to be right as to be wrong, because when one is wrong, at least one has a clear something-to-be-made-right sort of mission statement. If one is right...oh yuck. Um, if you haven't already, please go back in my LJ and read the first "Pain" entry? I think it's about five back from the current one. "Floundering helplessly" comes to mind. I think we have a solution now, but I don't -feel- any better. I do hope you feel better, and soon. Love and comfort to you!