Walking My Path

I can breathe. I finally got some therapy today. It was informal, short-term therapy with someone who was compassionate and insightful. We talked for two hours with no agendas, just to help me get things off my chest and help me feel better. I feel like a ten pound weight has been lifted off my chest. I am confident that I can handle my life and I'm looking forward to having Sly home on Monday. It may have taken a lot of work to get to someone who could help me, but I'm so glad I did the work. Thank you for everyone who has kept me in their thoughts and prayers. We're gonna make it. I am going to be stronger and wiser because of this experience and I will keep walking towards the horizon.

So when I graduated from college I bought myself a fancy bread cookbook and said that I was going to take some time to remember what it was like to be human and I would make that journey through baking bread. Yeah, well, that cookbook then proceeded to languish on the shelf through my first marriage, the arrival and subsequent fabulous-ness of the Sly, my second marriage...and well, you get the picture.

After finding out Sly was sensitive to wheat I seriously considered just giving the book away. But our household isn't completely wheat-free and Lance and I still enjoy good bread.

In my journey to find happiness lately, I decided to break out the book as we are running low on grocery money at the end of the month (because I over-spent at the co-op...Oops.) and I have a fair amount of time on my hands. I also just really want to use it. With my considering going back to school in the fall and with Lance slated to deploy next January, I am trying to get myself into the healthiest mind-state I can manage.

Which is why I have a beautiful dough rising on my stove that I will shape into two baguettes and a round loaf. This will be sandwich bread for the rest of the week and the accompaniment to the spaghetti I'm making Wednesday night. I must say, it feels amazing.

This is my first time baking bread with a poolish. And it may not turn out perfect because I left it to rise in the oven with the light on and that was a touch too warm. Ideally, it should be rising at 75-80 degrees Fahrenheit and it was 90 degrees when I pulled it out of the oven to begin incorporating it into the final dough. I also folded the bread at the wrong time, but it looks beautiful. And as first tries go, I've followed the recipe and directions fairly well. I have a few more techniques to fiddle with, but I can see myself making beautiful bread for quite some time.

Next month, I anticipate buying yeast from the co-op and flour too. I want some organic flour that is cheaper than $3.50 a pound, so if they have that, I'm going to jump on it. Man, there are so many reasons that this bread baking fills me with joy. One of them is that it makes me feel connected with my ancestors. I was actually so excited I was up early this morning! That's saying something.

Alaska was amazing. Absolutely amazing. I loved it and it was gorgeous. My vacation went by entirely too fast, but that is the nature of vacations. We went white water rafting, hiking and just explored a lot. Plus we gamed our hearts out.

We got to Ft. Stewart Monday night. We picked up Lance's car from Charleston and have been staying in the lodging on post. That was a very long, tiring day. But we did get to spend good time together and that was lovely.

Yesterday we found a house. We are signing the lease on it today. It's a beautiful three bedroom on a corner lot. It has more room than I've ever had in a house before and that's pretty awesome. It's also within the amount the army gives us for housing. Can't ask for anything better than that!

So we should be in our new house this week. We're going to try and schedule our household good delivery for next week. Then I'll just be getting settled in.

The Kindreds have really watched over us this move. I feel so very blessed.

So. I have roughly sixteen days until my household goods get picked up. In that time, I need to finish sorting through my stuff and getting rid of things. I am also hosting a bbq, taking the cat to the vet, taking my Dedicant Oath and trying to decide whether or not to go to Lance's to see him graduate from his school or not. I will get this stuff done dammit! And if not, the movers will pack my shit whether it is organized or not. The army pays them to pack it, not to judge me.

My Dedicant Path stuff is nearly finished. I'm still working on some essays. My goal is to have everything turned in before we report to Georgia in August. That may seem like a lot to put on top of the move, but I am really feeling the moving and shaking in my world that says it's time to move on to the next bit.

So I made my first WW recipe last night. I was surprised how tasty it is. I had expected it to taste a bit more like it was healthy, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, the recipe cost more points after I made it wheat and dairy free. Apparently rice flour costs five more points a cup than wheat flour does. :-( But making dessert seems to be a pretty fun experience and as this recipe was super easy, I can foresee throwing it together again. I may even switch up the fruit and see how that goes. I love me some cobbler!

So I mentioned that I joined Weight Watchers online. This has been my worst week for staying on track since I joined. I realize that was only three weeks ago...but I have used a ridiculous amount of points over my allowance. I know I will probably have gained by Monday on my weigh in day. The important part is to try and figure out why.

This last week was pretty stressful. On top of that, the time I spend with Lance it is incredibly difficult for me to regulate my eating. He has a metabolism that burns food just looking at it. I have a hard time opting for healthier options when Lance is busy ordering the giant steak. No one wants to feel deprived. But Lance and I will be living together for more than a week or two at a time soon. I really have to figure out how to eat differently from him without feeling deprived.

Hmmm....I think a lot of the key will be to eat out less. It seems to be pretty impossible to eat out often and eat healthy.

Just because I was curious...
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I am about to hop in the shower then head off to get a ride to the airport. Everything is packed. Dishes are done. Diapers are on their last run through the washer. Fridge is cleaned out. I am sooo freakin' nervous. The next man who hugs me is going to be Lance! WOOT!

Having been elf_baby's primary caregiver for the last year with only intermittent visitation with her dad, I'm starting to get very burnt out. I'm looking into finding a daycare I can send her to twice a week. Ideally, it would be Tuesday and Thursday that way I can go to my martial arts class while she is there. I want to send her there so she can have some social interaction as well as give me a break. I am hoping that having the two days a week will give me a chance to keep my place cleaner and to have time to work on my own spirituality a bit more.

The biggest hindrance right now is cost. I have found a place that has a full day twice a week program for $126 a week. That is very reasonable compared to some of the other places I've scoped and it includes two snacks and lunch. The program runs from 9am to 6pm. I sent them an email to see if they can accommodate the visitation schedule we have set up where she is gone three weeks every three months.

I have even figured out how I'm going to pay for it starting in January. Lance has no problems with it and is encouraging me to do it because it will seriously reduce my stress levels. And it will not change our budget by more than $15.

Here's hoping all of that falls into place.

Chores Accomplished Today:

• Stripped and remade my bed
  
• Two loads of dishes
  
• Folded and put away three full loads of clothes
  
• Cleaned off dressers including dusting
  
• Cleaned bathroom
  

I am slowly regaining my house. Lance cleans so much more than I do. It's not even funny. And so I have a lot of catch up to do. Granted, the house is messy, not dirty. But still. This week I'm focusing on my bedroom. I have boxes to go through. Plus I have multiple foot lockers worth of things to take to goodwill. I will do this darnit. I will have a clean house that is not full of cruft.