Lately...

[eiblyn]

So I haven't been writing with any sort of real seriousness lately because I've been really depressed. It's not so much an open thing as the kind of depression that you harbor in your soul and don't talk about so much. I'm having to face that a lot of the assumptions I had made about my life were not really well made. I keep thinking that in the end people are all good and they won't try to hurt me...and while they don't try that doesn't mean that I end up any less hurt. I'm the kind of person who always puts my thoughts and feelings last because they are not the things I give priority to in my life. I know that I can survive being unhappy because a large portion of my life has been spent that way but I don't want to push other people to feel that way. I can't even make assertions for my needs at times because I don't want to 'inconvenience' people. I work so hard to be open about how I feel but I realized that people can't really handle that. People can't handle it when I look at them and tell them that I'm hurting because of actions they took/did not take. I'm so tired of telling people that I'm in pain and then feeling like I need to comfort them instead of being comforted myself...I have spent so much time crying lately when no one knows because I don't want everyone/anyone to see me upset and hurting. Add that to the fact that I'm PMS'n and life is not happy. I miss therapy.

Comments

BTW

[supurrkitten.livejournal.com]

If you are looking for friends that aren't involved directly in your life but could become a great support system I suggest again joining the Wombats. Check them out at: http://www.ohiowombats.com It isn't a huge commitment, just an online bi-sexual support group for hot bi-babes.

T