More Birth Control Madness...

"We don't do IUD's unless you've been pregnant or had a chlid...I'll leave your name with the clinician...the recommendations say..."
I'm so tired of hearing these types of things. Oh what a curse to be born a woman and never want to bear yourself. I called Planned Parenthood in my area today. They'll see about making an exception but basically they don't do them on women who have never been pregnant or had a child. When I asked her if she had a recommendation of another birth control method I could use that was non-hormonal...well, let's just say she came up with lots of suggestions that didn't meet that standard. I hate this....

Something I Need To Learn:

( Poly Concept )

In general, this is not so much of an issue for me with partners that I know. But my hugest issue is with friendships. More specifically, relationships that are defined as friendships that don't really work with dynamic. I tend to do better with relationships that are honest about the status they are in...a large part of this often happens the most when people are lying to themselves about the real dynamic of their relationship but I have rarely found it to be with malicious intent. To me, there's a huge world of difference between a friend, a friend you are in love/have love-like feelings for within the realm of romance (meaning friends you harbor secret crushes on or friends you still have feelings for despite long-gone relationships), and someone you have a friends with benefits relationship with. Honestly, it's hardest for me to deal with the relationships where the feelings are secret and no one is being upfront about anything as far as their emotions go. I'm not threatened by you sleeping with your friends. I'm not threatened by you loving your friends. I am however threatened by you being emotionally attached to your friend and/or your friend being emotionally attached to you in a manner that is not frank and open. Love who you want to...but don't hide it from me. I'm sure that plenty of people would say that this behavior is not really good poly....but to be honest, I think everyone does this to some extent. Everyone has that crush that they don't want to say out loud or that moment of attraction to someone they feel like they aren't supposed to like. And all of us still have feelings for some ex or another. I think I need to learn to accept some of those emotions more readily...of course it would be soooo much easier if the people feeling them would accept them first.

Lie and tell me it gets easier...

I'm so tired of feeling lonely. I sit here in my room by myself, listening to the radio and trying to study horrible German words that I won't remember tomorrow anyway. I need company. I need something to distract me and remind me that the whole reason I exist is not that moment where I hear those words...*sighs* I need a life and a sense of purpose in my world. Right now I'm working towards graduation, losing more weight, and fighting the amendment that's coming up for voting about the KY state constitution. But I feel so emotionally drained and spiritually empty. Although next week the pagan group is going to start. Not to mention that tomorrow I'm starting a new workout thing with the girls. I signed up to have a German pen pal so maybe I'll be able to distract myself some that way. It's amusing because it seems that I'm struggling so much to fill my life with things so that I don't feel so lonely. But I'm not really taking the time to invest in serious friendships and relationships...it's mostly just a struggle to fill the time which I'm spending almost all of alone. I've barely managed to find people to eat lunch with. No wonder I'm lonely when I'm not spending time with other people and just kinda expecting myself to magically have some sort of depth to my life. I need to take some more responsibility.