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Loneliness hit me tonight full-fledged in the chest. I cried my eyes out...and it didn't help. I held myself and stroked my own hair. I tried to pretend that the pillow I was curled up to was a chest....But it wasn't.
And nothing I did could change that...I screamed. In the end I cuddled with my vibrator because it was the closest thing to a lover I could have. Honestly, I spend far too much time being physical with that tube of circuitry and wires and not enough with anyone flesh and blood.
The loneliness just wells up in my throat and I swear it begins to cut off my oxygen. It takes all of my fears and magnifies them...it reminds me again how long it's been since I've curled up with another human being and fallen asleep to the feel of their breath on the back of my neck. Someday, I will never have to sleep alone again. But that is not today.
And nothing I did could change that...I screamed. In the end I cuddled with my vibrator because it was the closest thing to a lover I could have. Honestly, I spend far too much time being physical with that tube of circuitry and wires and not enough with anyone flesh and blood.
The loneliness just wells up in my throat and I swear it begins to cut off my oxygen. It takes all of my fears and magnifies them...it reminds me again how long it's been since I've curled up with another human being and fallen asleep to the feel of their breath on the back of my neck. Someday, I will never have to sleep alone again. But that is not today.
