eiblyn | More Poly Pontification...

The terms primary and secondary have uses for me in poly-land as it were. For me I think it is more about the longevity issue. My primary is someone that I want to be there for the rest of my life. The one that I want to share a majority of my day-to-day-did-you-take-out-the-trash moments. My secondaries are the people that I'm very emotionally attached to and that I want to be there for a long time...but I'm not so sure I could live with and I'm not so sure, if I did try to live with them, that it would last very long. I have one relationship that has flitted back and forth between terms and in the end simply refused to be defined. That was ok...it does make it difficult to talk about/explain sometimes. But every time we tried to define the level of long-term life-plan kind of involvement we had we found we had difficulties. Fuck buddies will be there for a night...friends with benefits will be there, hopefully, for a good chunk of years...secondaries may or may not be there for the rest of my life but will certainly be in my long-range plans...and primaries are the people I want to be there for the rest of my life. Maybe this is too simple for others but it works for me. Another thing that suddenly comes to mind is the order in which I turn to people for comfort. First, I would call on my primary or my secondary (depending on the issue at the time). After that comes friends with benefits. But I don't turn to my fuck buddies for my emotional needs. Honestly, if they had wanted to deal with my emotional needs, I feel like, they would have signed up for a different kind of relationship. Of course this theory is all relative and depends on the issue entirely...not to mention my geographical location.

EDIT: I remembered writing a post on being a secondary about a year ago. I'm linking it here so that others can read it if they missed it the first time around. http://www.livejournal.com/users/eiblyn/1274.html