eiblyn | Other Things...

I have a few things on my mind lately about going back to school:

-I'm concerned that I'm an entirely different person now than I was before. There's nothing like changing your entire friend group to totally throw off your normal social patterns. I like everyone here, it's just that now I'm used to hanging out with people who have entirely different concerns than most of my friends do at college. I worry that I won't fit in and that I'll lose friends.
But...if I don't have friends who can grow and change with me, maybe it's better for me to lose them.

-I have become very addicted to the physical comfort of having someone sleep next to me. And of having someone there to hold me when I need it. I'm very concerned that I won't have that back at school. No one there sleeps with me on any sort of regular basis and it's mostly just one night stands. That disturbs me because what I really want is emotional connection far more than a physical one. I can get myself off...

-I'm going back to a monogamous world after having lived in this polyamorous haven. I'm afraid that I'll not be able to adjust well and that I will get really hurt by being in KY. People there don't understand poly and they tend to condemn things they don't understand.

-I need to pull up my GPA. It's not terrible but certainly not something that will help me get a job in grad school. Realistically, I need to focus on my classes more than I have been and I need to actually buckle down instead of goofing off. I'm afraid that means I'll have less time to talk to J and without those conversations we don't have much interaction when I'm gone...