Gender Roles in Marriage

[eiblyn]

My short term class for this year was on gender roles in the Arthurian Cycle which was then related to gender roles in society and modern life. This really makes me wonder about the gender roles in my own relations. My semi-domesticated partner and I definitely had gender roles in our relationship. But they were not quite conventional because I would cook, he would mow the grass...but he was incapable of handling any type of mechanical malfunction within our home and I was horrible at being motivated to clean. I can honestly say that there were quite a few nights when the words, "Honey, will you clean the bathtub so that I can take a bath? My shoulders hurt but it's looking kinda scary in there." came out of my mouth and he, being the wonderful man that he is, would go clean the bathtub. But by the same token I've also been in relationships where I cooked, cleaned and did the laundry and he played guitar and watched movies. Maybe the difference is sex. I've often noticed that I am far more likely to clean up after a man, or woman for that matter, if I am in love with them/having sex with them. My semi-domesticated partner was just that...someone that I shared my domestic life with but had no interest in sleeping with any more than he had any interest in sleeping with me. I love him...but in more of a "You-have-slept-naked-with-me-and-held-me-when-I-cried-at-night" kind of way. I think somehow I got it into my head that taking care of someone's household was showing them that I loved them. My mother does this all the time for my father...and she always puts the bread on his sandwhiches so that the tops don't match as her way of saying I love you. The question really becomes then, "Is it bad that I feel this way?" And I don't really think I know the answer.

Comments

I can relate

[supurrkitten.livejournal.com]

I don't think it is ever bad to feel a certain way. You just feel a certain way. Sometimes the things you do because you feel a certain way come from they way you have been conditioned to act because of your past. You just have to look at how you are acting, how it is effecting you and what it is doing to the person you are doing it to and weigh it out. Sometimes you gotta ask the person "Hey, does this bother you or are you cool with it?" Sometimes you have to ask yourself the same question, then follow it up with "why or why not am I cool with it".

Good luck.

Happy to have floated by you in the whole river of life thing I'm on.
xo,
GirlCat
BTW you know me, you napped at my house once.