Emotional Outpouring

[eiblyn]

I wonder if when you aren't here and I have this whole big place to myself if it will feel like this. I wonder if when you are gone and I know you aren't coming back for months, if I will still be on eggshells waiting to hear your key in the door. I wonder if this beginning of missing you is just going to overwhelm me like it is now and leak out the corners of my eyes. I wonder if I'll hear any human voices in real life when you're gone. I wonder if I'll call my mom every day to keep my sanity. I wonder if I'll drive the cats crazy wanting affection. I wonder if checking my email will ever become as excruciatingly exciting as checking the mail used to be when you were gone before. I wonder if this tightness and the pain in my throat will go away. I hope I figure out how to breathe soon. I hope I remember to eat and stuff. You won't be here to ask me and sometimes when you are gone I just get lost inside myself. I wish this didn't sound so dependent and like I'm dysfunctional without you. I hope I don't forget how to put up with your socks all over the house when you are gone...we both know you aren't going to stop doing that. I don't think I'm ready. I'm not sure I'm ever going to be. How can I possibly make Moonlight Cookies without you there to make faces at me? This is just all so hard. Every single song; every thing on tv...absolutely everything makes me think of you. What if the cat falls out the window again? Who will talk to me and calm me down? How do other people do this? None of this is easy...I wish it were easier. Wow it feels better to just let the emotions flow out. What if you die? What if you get hurt? How do I face that? I know...I know. Smile now and cry later because crying now distracts you and makes it harder. Wow you are so brave. I don't think I could do it. It's so scary staying here behind and waiting. Politics just make me angry...I can't watch the news when you are gone. What if you come back like he did? What if it ruins my life? What if you don't love me anymore when you come back? What if you become someone I don't like? What if I can't do this?

Comments

[breimh.livejournal.com]

I'm not positive, but I believe it was FDR who said it best about soldiers, their families and times when men were shipped overseas.

The true heroes are not the politicians, for signing the order to do what they feel is the right course, or even the soldiers who answer the call to serve their country. It is to the mothers, wifes and children of those soldiers for giving their husbands, sons and fathers so selflessly. They are the heroes who know the integrity behind the words of "duty", "honor" and "sacrifice"; and they should be as much the ones we offer tribute to as we do our soldiers.

Your words, letting out your emotions, show this on the most pure and simple level.

Thank you.