Looking Back and Reviewing

Quite a few new things happened this last year. I'm still in college (which continues to amaze me every morning when I decide to get out of bed) and doing better than last year. My GPA has raised; my expectations followed it. Probably the thing that most impacted me this year was spending the summer in Boston. I went into that summer with some very unrealistic life goals and found out exactly how unrealistic they were. I realized that I did not want to be an archivist in the traditional sense of the word, that I was much more interested in digital records than tangible books. I realized that yes, I am indeed poly, and I'm interested in supporting that lifestyle for the forseeable future. I had innumerable ephiphanies, small dramas and life experiences with J. I found that it is possible for me to love children despite my lack of desire to spawn. I realized that it's all well and good to have intelligent, intense conversation...sometimes I just need to be silly. I realized that the major part of being all grown-up for me was to stop trying to convince other people that I am. Just relaxing and being myself is enough. Twenty might not be adult in some people's eyes, but who really gives a damn. *grins* Twenty is where I am and I intend to enjoy it. I realized that I cannot live my entire life with the attitude of "You are only important to my universe if I let you exist there" because sometimes the people who are important need people that I don't choose. I realized that I do want to get married. I realized that when I date too many people at once, they tend to fix that problem themselves, but I don't like the way they fix it. I've worked through various traumas from my past (with the help of the Illustrious Ellen) and I've found more self-confidence. Yes, I am a beautiful, wonderful human being. No, I don't tell myself that often enough. I realized that who I think I want to be and who I become may not be the same person, but that is not a failure. I realized that it's ok to forgive what you thought to be unforgiveable. I tried Dim Sum. I flew more times in the past year than I ever have before. I realized that good friends are worth all the struggle it takes to get to the point where they are. I also realized that good friends bring you pizza when you're afraid of the stairs. Some people think a fear of toilets is reasonable. You don't have to be poly for me to love you. Sometimes curled up on the carpet together is the best you can do...and that's ok. Sometimes love is still that thing that makes me run away from people as much as it is the thing that makes me run to them. Taking responsibility for yourself is a good thing...more people should try it. I did. Tea soothes a lot of tears. Sometimes saying you'll be there forever doesn't work out like you meant...you're still there, just not the way you thought you would be. I learned that apologies that feel hollow probably are and not to bank on them. I've learned that oatmeal creme pies do not toast easily. Waterproof tent is an oxymoron. My feet have shrunken. Air mattresses can be comfy with the right company. Hotel rooms can be heaven.

MEME

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