Fluid Relationships

Boundaries are a necessary part of any relationship because without them people get hurt and get into situations in which they are not comfortable. I have noticed that I have relationships with a few people that tend to be very fluid in nature. It ebbs and flows in such a way as to never be quite stable but never have the risk of becoming stagnant either. So today I asked myself how I perceive these fluid relationships and how I would like for them to exist. It seems like fluid relationships tend to happen with me whenever I am with someone whom I do not find to be emotionally stable enough for my own protection. When I still enjoy physical intimacy with them despite the fact that I am not prepared to offer them great levels of emotional intimacy and security then I find myself with a fluid relationship. A majority of the time, my emotional needs are not met by this person, which is fine because I did not really want/expect them to. However, when my physical needs are not being met either I have to ask myself why I am with this person. Every relationship has a cost for the person just as every relationship has a benefit for the person. So what is the benefit if I get neither emotional nor physical satisfaction? It is not social because of the fact that I determine my own social rank and I frankly don't give a damn a majority of the time. The constant shifting of roles, where I never know from one second to the next exactly where I stand annoys me. I do not like to be insecure; I have not yet met a person who does. But I find myself more and more often needing to reassure myself that it does not matter what happens because I am not dating this person. I can entirely meet their physical needs and they not meet mine and blow off the fact that my needs are being ignored for a few times but then the issue become when do I get to be the important one? And when I can't see an answer in site that's when my role needs to shift. I think I need to sit down and redefine some of my relationships because I am tired of providing the satisfaction for a number of people and then being left to fly solo when it comes to my own needs. It's not supposed to work like that....I'm not stupid enough to set myself up for frustration like that.

Classes....

I have two more class periods this semester and then my jaunt in Hell is finished. I have hated my classes this semester. I was up at 6am this morning trying to sew a binding onto my quilting project...I poked myself in the finger and bled. I was not a happy camper. My Western Civ class went as all of the other class periods have this semester...slow but steady. I am not going to stay for all of my American History class...I need to write the paper that is due in there on Friday when we don't have class. I feel like my head is going to explode and I have to go to work in twenty minutes. I would skip but then I'll still be on labor probation. I swear I need to stop procrastinating and just take care of my responsibilities. I love Nick...he always makes me feel better about my life. Thanks Nick.