Seriousness

[eiblyn]

Today I had someone ask me how a polyamorous relationship could ever be serious. That made me pause for a moment until I realized the instinctive problem I had with that train of thought. Why is that everyone seems to assume that sex equals love? I remember being warned about it when I was fourteen or fifteen that guys would tell me they loved me just to have sex with me but that they didn't really love me...so why do we tend to forget that fact after we reach a certain age? It would seem to follow that the same parameters of sex that existed when I was younger still exist so why is that people assume that we can only have sex with those we love? And why do they assume that sex with those we don't love is going to be any less valid? I have had some really wonderful moments having sex with people I didn't love. And I have had really awful moments having sex with someone I did love. It amuses me to no end to think that someone could not understand the validity of my relationship because I happen to have more than one. Last time I checked, it was the emotional parameters that defined a relationship's status for me. I could love someone with all my heart and never have sex with them just as I can have sex with someone every day and not love them. I don't think sex is the thing in my life that defines my relationship or lack thereof. So that was my amusing query for the day to which I attempted to explain the idea that my relationships are more than sex and based on intellectual compatibility and emotion...to which I got a blank stare and a, "But you have sex with other people." *sighs* I have tried my best but I suppose that this one is out of my hands.