Men and Paganism

[eiblyn]

I responded to a prompt on a yahoo group I'm part of. The question was, "What role should men play in Wicca and paganism?"

I think that we as a religion must strive to uphold and celebrate men as much as we celebrate women. It seems to me many times that the emphasis that paganism has on women is a backlash reaction. So many people come to paganism from Christianity (which as most commonly practiced, has a tendency to exclude women) that it effects where our energy goes to the most. If I come from an exclusionary religion and am leaving it for that reason, I'm going to spend a lot of time immersing myself in what I felt was missing from my past religion. But in order for our religion to be strong and healthy, it must define itself without the use of another religion as an example. We have to stop saying "Look we're not Christianity!!" and start saying, "This is what we are."

When we look at things in these terms it is inevitable that we will include men more than we previously have. We take our example from nature. Humans are a sexually reproducing species. We are physiologically different but equally as important for the continuation of the species. Therefore, it stands to reason that the genders should be equally important in spiritual roles. This doesn't mean that we should not have different roles for those of different genders if appropriate. I have a hard time seeing most High Priests performing a Menarche Ceremony for a young woman as well as a High Priestess, but that may be my own bias. And that may come from growing up in a culture that says that those types of things are both unimportant and something to be hidden from the world.

I think women need to try really hard to work on our own baggage when it comes to men in religion. Having a man in a religious leadership role does not mean that women are oppressed. Nor does it mean that paganism is excluding women from power. Our own fear is often crippling us from an equal partnership with some of our greatest companions and allies.

Comments

[yarrowkat]

The Central New Mexico community may be slightly unusual in this, in the overall contemporary pagan scene, but i'm fairly certain we're about 50/50 men and women in terms of pure numbers, and i'm quite certain that's true in terms of coven-trained 3rd-degree community leaders. our public ceremonies are most often led by HP/HPS pairs working together (not always couples per se, but a man and woman doing a ritual together anyhow). we are also pushing the envelope more and more often towards gender-bender rituals--the priestess doing the priest's role, and vice versa, mixing it up, paying attention to gender but stirring the pot into new combinations. my coven is 3/5 men, so at my recent first-degree initiation, a man took the role of Maiden for the ceremony. it works just fine. :)

[eiblyn.livejournal.com]

I know that my own experiences color this response. I have never been in a group that was even close to a 50/50 mix. Keep in mind, most of the groups I've worked with were in rural KY while in college or on the military posts where we've been stationed. When I wrote this I also had some niggling ideas that I didn't explore and you hit one of them on the head, that being how members of different genders can fulfill the roles "traditionally" laid out for the other gender(s). I have been in quite a few groups where there were transgendered and homosexual members, and one group in particular had a majority of homosexual members. That significantly changed the energy and dynamic of the interactions between people. In those cases, it didn't matter as much what gender the person was who was filling what role, but more their ability to take on the aspect necessary. I could very much see a man portraying the innocence and curiousity of the Maiden or the nurturing and giving of the Mother for example. But none of us were doing ceremonies of the particular kind I mentioned. I do think that it is probably me projecting my own insecurity at the idea of doing a puberty ritual that was led by a HP rather than a HPS.

[yarrowkat]

i agree that puberty rituals--maybe all stage-of-life rituals, including Cronings--are one of the specific areas where gender matters a lot more, than, say, an Ostara or a Moon ritual, or a specific working like a healing. :) a young girl just starting menarche is going to be insecure (well do i remember those days!) and need reassurance and grounding, as well as good adult women role models. Likewise, a young boy at the same age, ready for a manhood ritual, needs good adult male role models. he needs a ritual that affirms who he is and who he can grow into as a man in this crazy culture. and she needs a ritual that affirms who she is, and who she can grow into, likewise. so that's a special situation, calling for very specific roles and probably pretty specific individuals, people the young person trusts and respects. on the other hand, if the girl or boy in question was particularly close to a member of the opposite sex as a role model, i could see that person having a valued role in such a ritual. it would be up to the kid-about-to-grow-up, though, in my opinion.

the man who maidened for my initiation is, as it happens, bi (and "gay" in terms of the personal energy he exudes, for sure), and we do have a reasonably substantial gay community within the pagan community here. and a few transgendered folks. that all probably helps keep it nicely mixed in the gender roles. though i'm cisgendered, and also aggressively interested in breaking standardized gender roles. and in changing gender-normative language which is harmful--for instance, perceiving the element of water (something that goes way beyond human gender and yet is important to and part of us all) as Yin energy makes sense, but saying that it's "feminine" does water and femaleness both a disservice. and so on. i can really rant about that, actually. :)

because my coven is 3 men and 2 women (yep, we're small!), the boys get to do female roles somewhat regularly. otherwise Dee and I have a role in every single ritual! we have a four-person circle cast (west coast eclectic wiccan trad) with fairly standard roles. one of the requirements for second degree, though, is a gender bender ritual, where the person takes on the opposite-gendered role. of course, we only have one straight person in our coven, too, and she's our high priestess. :) i'm sure this affects our attitude! *grin*

[eiblyn.livejournal.com]

I have to say that it has always bothered me that water is considered feminine. Partly because water is often used to represent emotions. I think by associating certain personal qualities as masculine or feminine we continue some of the negative gender stereotypes in our society. I absolutely do not agree that emotion is a feminine aspect and logic is a masculine aspect. I think by associating them with the masculine or feminine we make it acceptable for people to overdevelop parts of themselves and put off the balancing aspects because of their gender. I know these are simple things that people can overcome, but if we didn't put them in these sorts of terms, maybe we wouldn't need to.

[yarrowkat]

that's about exactly how i would rant, too. :) *grin* we're in complete agreement here. likewise, when we call fire "male" or "masculine" we do ourselves, women, and men all a disservice for the same reasons. women ARE strong, passionate, creative, willful. as are men. it's en ELEMENT, and elements transcend humanity, informing us and going way beyond us in themselves, by their very nature. so to ascribe a gender to it is to confine ourselves to our own often very narrow interpretation of gender, which as you note, enables bad behavior (in both/all genders) and limits growth.

[simplysarab.livejournal.com]

I really like what you wrote. It's a process for everyone. My experience has been so different from anyone else's, and since Athena forbids me from participating in rituals it's something I think about often, but don't get too worked up about.

My issues with Pagan/Wiccan groups is when they don't know how, or don't understand, the essential differenct between "play" (read=fantasy) and Ritual (read=religious ceremony).

Going to a public ritual where the High Priest is wearing the Fighter garb for an SCA house that I used to belong to almost made me have kittens. I've been told that I'm "too judgemental" for wanting a distinction to be made. Hmph.

[eiblyn.livejournal.com]

I think there is a time and a place for play. But that Ritual is not usually that time and place. I can see how having a High Priest dressed in SCA garb could be distracting. Some of the best rituals I've been to, everyone was wearing jeans. It often seems to me that the people who can lead a Ritual could do so wearing nothing, party hats or fur suits. It goes beyond the person to their connection.

[eiblyn.livejournal.com]

Oh! I forgot. We wanted to ask you/your household to send a token for the baby's Wiccaning the end of July.