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Jun. 7th, 2005 12:02 pmAnd so I'm wasting time at work until I can go pick up the Linux install CD I need and get on about my business.
I'm feeling a lot better today than I have been for the last week or so. It's amazing to me that I watch my sense of self and self-worth steadily improve as my viewpoint continues to become more realistic. *grins* It's nice to be ok with my life/world not being perfect. It's nice to be taking responsibility for my own feelings and realizing that other people don't force me to feel anything.
In some ways its also very daunting. Not everything I feel I'm proud of...there's a bunch of resentment, anger and jealousy in there and I know that it's mostly coming from myself and my own perception of things. But it's so damn hard to realize that it's just me with my head in the sand than anyone else's ill-will. It's a ton easier to blame your dislike of someone on them or to blame your discomfort on someone else when the reality in my cases are that it's often that I perceived they communicated something negative to me rather than they actually communicated something negative to me. If people don't hear what each other is saying in reality, it's difficult for any real communication to happen.
I think I need to change the way I listen. I think active listening would be better than the passive listening I seem to stuck on now. In many ways what people say to me doesn't actually penetrate beyond my own thought processes. Of course, there are times when I make a conscious effort but most of daily conversation just flows over me and none of it sticks.
I'm feeling a lot better today than I have been for the last week or so. It's amazing to me that I watch my sense of self and self-worth steadily improve as my viewpoint continues to become more realistic. *grins* It's nice to be ok with my life/world not being perfect. It's nice to be taking responsibility for my own feelings and realizing that other people don't force me to feel anything.
In some ways its also very daunting. Not everything I feel I'm proud of...there's a bunch of resentment, anger and jealousy in there and I know that it's mostly coming from myself and my own perception of things. But it's so damn hard to realize that it's just me with my head in the sand than anyone else's ill-will. It's a ton easier to blame your dislike of someone on them or to blame your discomfort on someone else when the reality in my cases are that it's often that I perceived they communicated something negative to me rather than they actually communicated something negative to me. If people don't hear what each other is saying in reality, it's difficult for any real communication to happen.
I think I need to change the way I listen. I think active listening would be better than the passive listening I seem to stuck on now. In many ways what people say to me doesn't actually penetrate beyond my own thought processes. Of course, there are times when I make a conscious effort but most of daily conversation just flows over me and none of it sticks.
