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Aug. 13th, 2004
Other Things...
Aug. 13th, 2004 09:37 amI have a few things on my mind lately about going back to school:
-I'm concerned that I'm an entirely different person now than I was before. There's nothing like changing your entire friend group to totally throw off your normal social patterns. I like everyone here, it's just that now I'm used to hanging out with people who have entirely different concerns than most of my friends do at college. I worry that I won't fit in and that I'll lose friends.
But...if I don't have friends who can grow and change with me, maybe it's better for me to lose them.
-I have become very addicted to the physical comfort of having someone sleep next to me. And of having someone there to hold me when I need it. I'm very concerned that I won't have that back at school. No one there sleeps with me on any sort of regular basis and it's mostly just one night stands. That disturbs me because what I really want is emotional connection far more than a physical one. I can get myself off...
-I'm going back to a monogamous world after having lived in this polyamorous haven. I'm afraid that I'll not be able to adjust well and that I will get really hurt by being in KY. People there don't understand poly and they tend to condemn things they don't understand.
-I need to pull up my GPA. It's not terrible but certainly not something that will help me get a job in grad school. Realistically, I need to focus on my classes more than I have been and I need to actually buckle down instead of goofing off. I'm afraid that means I'll have less time to talk to J and without those conversations we don't have much interaction when I'm gone...
-I'm concerned that I'm an entirely different person now than I was before. There's nothing like changing your entire friend group to totally throw off your normal social patterns. I like everyone here, it's just that now I'm used to hanging out with people who have entirely different concerns than most of my friends do at college. I worry that I won't fit in and that I'll lose friends.
But...if I don't have friends who can grow and change with me, maybe it's better for me to lose them.
-I have become very addicted to the physical comfort of having someone sleep next to me. And of having someone there to hold me when I need it. I'm very concerned that I won't have that back at school. No one there sleeps with me on any sort of regular basis and it's mostly just one night stands. That disturbs me because what I really want is emotional connection far more than a physical one. I can get myself off...
-I'm going back to a monogamous world after having lived in this polyamorous haven. I'm afraid that I'll not be able to adjust well and that I will get really hurt by being in KY. People there don't understand poly and they tend to condemn things they don't understand.
-I need to pull up my GPA. It's not terrible but certainly not something that will help me get a job in grad school. Realistically, I need to focus on my classes more than I have been and I need to actually buckle down instead of goofing off. I'm afraid that means I'll have less time to talk to J and without those conversations we don't have much interaction when I'm gone...
Internship Review...
Aug. 13th, 2004 01:12 pmI received my internship review today. *sigh* It didn't go as well as I had hoped it would. Of course, the review from reference was very good. Unfortunately, the issues that I was having with the processing were really stressed in my review. I was told that I seem to really like archives and I say that I want to work in them but I needed to realize that a large part of this kind of work is processing so maybe I should think about that a lot before becoming an archivist. I was really crushed to tell the truth. I didn't cry but I really wanted to. I worked so hard on that damn project...and I never had any clue if I was doing it right or not. I did get complimented that my end product was very impressive and well done...but that didn't make the review any easier to take. Right now I'm very disappointed...both in myself and the way this was handled. We all knew I was struggling. Yes, I did avoid work at times to keep from processing, but that's because I couldn't handle doing it for 8 hours at a time without anything but a lunch break and I felt like I was doing a horrible job. I wasn't...but I had no way of knowing. Now I'm just really depressed.