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Home Adventures 5
Jan. 3rd, 2004 11:01 amThis will be my last entry of the Home Adventures Series as I am flying home tomorrow. I cannot stress enough that I am ready to go home. My family and I had our traditional fight on the eve before I return home. I was feeling bitter because I found myself doing more chores than my brother and I don't even live in this damn house anymore. I'm so ready to be back in the world of cleaning up after myself...and of course my lovely roomie Jessica. But I don't begrudge cleaning up after her except for when it reaches the extreme level.
My father walked in on me masturbating last night. It was disturbing on levels I can't even explain to you. Understand that my family is very open about sex but the truth of the matter is that if you have a 19 year old daughter who is home from college and you hear moaning and gasping coming from her room, take this as a suggestion....she is not having a nightmare...in fact, if you open the door to her room you may become the subject of subsequent nightmares... When I asked him this morning what on earth he could have thought I was doing other than masturbating...his response was that he thought I was having a nightmare. We, of course, both burst out laughing after he asked me if I was ok and I responded with a curt, tense "I'm fine" and he closed the door that night. Thank the Gods my room was dark. I love my father but sometimes he is just plain silly. At this point in time, if I can't deal with my own nightmares I'm shit out of luck.
So my brother has spent almost zero time with me the last two days other than to ask me to drive him and his friends places. I began to feel very used and stuff. I wish that he would understand me a little better. He thinks he does...and so he doesn't feel the need to try anymore. Today we did have a good conversation about relationships though. We analyzed a lot of my past relationships, some of his, and what we both look for in significant others. I showed him a picture of Ames...he was not impressed but I am actually kinda happy about that. (No offense Ames.) My brother has a tendency to be attracted to mindless bores who have a decided lack of attributes other than the ones filling their t-shirts and shorts.
I can't wait to be back at Berea where people think I'm pretty. I have felt very...well...invisible is a good word. Ugly and sensitive are two more very good words. I don't know...it's just that my brother is so attractive that it makes me feel inadequate to hang around him. *shrugs* At least I know that I'll be the one that grows up to be stable. *smiles* And that I'll be the one who gets to spoil his kids rotten.
My father walked in on me masturbating last night. It was disturbing on levels I can't even explain to you. Understand that my family is very open about sex but the truth of the matter is that if you have a 19 year old daughter who is home from college and you hear moaning and gasping coming from her room, take this as a suggestion....she is not having a nightmare...in fact, if you open the door to her room you may become the subject of subsequent nightmares... When I asked him this morning what on earth he could have thought I was doing other than masturbating...his response was that he thought I was having a nightmare. We, of course, both burst out laughing after he asked me if I was ok and I responded with a curt, tense "I'm fine" and he closed the door that night. Thank the Gods my room was dark. I love my father but sometimes he is just plain silly. At this point in time, if I can't deal with my own nightmares I'm shit out of luck.
So my brother has spent almost zero time with me the last two days other than to ask me to drive him and his friends places. I began to feel very used and stuff. I wish that he would understand me a little better. He thinks he does...and so he doesn't feel the need to try anymore. Today we did have a good conversation about relationships though. We analyzed a lot of my past relationships, some of his, and what we both look for in significant others. I showed him a picture of Ames...he was not impressed but I am actually kinda happy about that. (No offense Ames.) My brother has a tendency to be attracted to mindless bores who have a decided lack of attributes other than the ones filling their t-shirts and shorts.
I can't wait to be back at Berea where people think I'm pretty. I have felt very...well...invisible is a good word. Ugly and sensitive are two more very good words. I don't know...it's just that my brother is so attractive that it makes me feel inadequate to hang around him. *shrugs* At least I know that I'll be the one that grows up to be stable. *smiles* And that I'll be the one who gets to spoil his kids rotten.
