Genes....

I had an interesting conversation today in which I discussed why I decided not to have children. Not many of you know this but Nick is the only man whose child I would have at this moment and that is only because I could give it to him to take care of and I know he would do it right. It's not that I don't think other men could be good fathers, because I know perfectly well they could be, I just don't know if I would want my child to share their genes. I like Nick's genes. He's attractive, intelligent and gay. Those fit perfectly with my desire to raise my child in a muliple-adult system in which we would both have partners to contribute to the situation. It sounds very complicated and I'm sure it would be but I've always felt that the number of adults should vastly outnumber the children, and since we would only have one I think we could handle that. But I honestly think that with world overpopulation being what it is...it's not that big of a deal if I choose not to contribute my prodigy to the mess. Although smart people do have a duty to procreate and all that jazz. Maybe I will just assume some role in some other person's child's life. I suppose that could fulfill my need to make my mark on the world without actually creating some form of life within my body.

Romanticism

I admit that I am not always the most practical of people. Although I'm sure this is of no shock to anyone I have a talent for deluding myself. Mostly this has to do with the long string of men who have made their way into my heart and bed, not always in that order and not always to both. But I do believe that I enjoy being this way. I came to this realization the other night at such a late hour that I will not discuss why I was up so late when I clearly should have been studying for some such nonsense as it is finals week in my universe. But I realized that I have a permanent pair of glasses that shade my universe. Nothing is ever quite so bad when I look at it as it is when others look. Love is my worst topic. *smiles* I have this tendency to not see the negative sides of people when I have decided that my heart should be theirs. This is horrible and has brought me no small amount of suffering. But I realized that I truly don't care. In the end, I would have made all the same decisions because in the end I managed to become someone I like, even if I do feel the need to fool myself. And so I have to wonder now if some of the intense emotional feelings I have at the moment are just the whims of a hormone crazed young woman or if there really is something different about this time...or at least I thought I had to ask myself that until I actually thought about it and discussed it with the person in question. Somehow I was made to feel better by the simple fact that everything I was going through he was feeling the same way...and he really does not seem to be the kind or person who fools himself. So while I am a romantic, I have fallen in love with a realist...and I like that. I like that he tells me that it's nice to be silly but sometimes we have to be serious...and go to bed when it is 3am. *grins* The best part is that he apologizes for it when I think its wonderful.