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Other Things...
I have a few things on my mind lately about going back to school:
-I'm concerned that I'm an entirely different person now than I was before. There's nothing like changing your entire friend group to totally throw off your normal social patterns. I like everyone here, it's just that now I'm used to hanging out with people who have entirely different concerns than most of my friends do at college. I worry that I won't fit in and that I'll lose friends.
But...if I don't have friends who can grow and change with me, maybe it's better for me to lose them.
-I have become very addicted to the physical comfort of having someone sleep next to me. And of having someone there to hold me when I need it. I'm very concerned that I won't have that back at school. No one there sleeps with me on any sort of regular basis and it's mostly just one night stands. That disturbs me because what I really want is emotional connection far more than a physical one. I can get myself off...
-I'm going back to a monogamous world after having lived in this polyamorous haven. I'm afraid that I'll not be able to adjust well and that I will get really hurt by being in KY. People there don't understand poly and they tend to condemn things they don't understand.
-I need to pull up my GPA. It's not terrible but certainly not something that will help me get a job in grad school. Realistically, I need to focus on my classes more than I have been and I need to actually buckle down instead of goofing off. I'm afraid that means I'll have less time to talk to J and without those conversations we don't have much interaction when I'm gone...
-I'm concerned that I'm an entirely different person now than I was before. There's nothing like changing your entire friend group to totally throw off your normal social patterns. I like everyone here, it's just that now I'm used to hanging out with people who have entirely different concerns than most of my friends do at college. I worry that I won't fit in and that I'll lose friends.
But...if I don't have friends who can grow and change with me, maybe it's better for me to lose them.
-I have become very addicted to the physical comfort of having someone sleep next to me. And of having someone there to hold me when I need it. I'm very concerned that I won't have that back at school. No one there sleeps with me on any sort of regular basis and it's mostly just one night stands. That disturbs me because what I really want is emotional connection far more than a physical one. I can get myself off...
-I'm going back to a monogamous world after having lived in this polyamorous haven. I'm afraid that I'll not be able to adjust well and that I will get really hurt by being in KY. People there don't understand poly and they tend to condemn things they don't understand.
-I need to pull up my GPA. It's not terrible but certainly not something that will help me get a job in grad school. Realistically, I need to focus on my classes more than I have been and I need to actually buckle down instead of goofing off. I'm afraid that means I'll have less time to talk to J and without those conversations we don't have much interaction when I'm gone...
no subject
Being in school, and in a ldr, is a hard combo. *hugs*
*hugs you softly*
(Anonymous) 2004-08-18 09:28 pm (UTC)(link)I too am somewhat worried about returning to Berea. Although I want it with every breath of my soul, I worry about the changes I have gone through this summer. In whatever capacity you wish it, I will be there for you...as a friend...as someone to listen to you when you need it...as someone to hold you when no one else will. Something in me says this year is going to be full of spiritual enlightenment. I look forward to walking with you in the forest again...
~Lamentia of the Spiral Horn~