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Home Adventures 1
I arrived yesterday at the airport and my parents were both there. It was great to see my Dad and get to hug him and stuff. We went to lunch at the Olive Garden and that was a lot of fun. I love spending time with just the two of them and joking with them and being able to interact on an equal level.
We got home and I talked to Jim for a bit to let him know I made it ok and then I took a nap. My brother came home shortly after that and it was nice to see him. I can't believe how grown-up we are...it seems like the older we get the further we move apart though and I miss the times when I was in high school when I would go lay in bed with him late and night and talk about all the things that I was thinking about the world at the time. We don't have those moments anymore and that's what I really miss the most.
He's enlisting in the army...on Monday. He's going Special Forces...that's extremely scary for me and I don't know how to deal with it. I always knew he was going to join the military but I never wanted to think about him picking such a dangerous job. If I had thought about it a lot I would have known though because he always was one to take the hardest job.
Anyway, so last night Brad took me to a basketball game with his friends and introduced me to all of his friends. I felt really out of place. My brothers friends were all really nice to me but I knew the only reason they would ever have talked to someone like me was because I was related to Brad. It's a little strange to deal with and always makes me feel a little self-conscious. Not to mention they are all gorgeous, beautiful men that I was attracted to. SO I felt even more out of place because I'm used to attracting people to me with my intelligence and humor and that didn't really have a place there because we had nothing in common. Not that they would see me as anything other than B's sister and that bothers me. I like to be defined by my own merits and that would not happen here. I feel so lonely. Other people, when they go home, have friends. I have to borrow them from my brother. And I feel the need to be a different person.
This may shock everyone but when I was in high school I was a lot different than I am now. I was egotistical and had a big attitude. People didn't fuck with me because they were afraid of my temper. Now I'm mellow and calm and very forgiving. Then I didn't forgive anything at all. And when I'm here I see my brother being the same way I once was and I start to slip back into that type of mentality. But I can't do it like I used to because I have become a different person and so I feel like I'm half-way faking my life while I'm here. I don't know if I'm coming home next year for Christmas. It hurts too much and I do nothing but cry the whole time.
We got home and I talked to Jim for a bit to let him know I made it ok and then I took a nap. My brother came home shortly after that and it was nice to see him. I can't believe how grown-up we are...it seems like the older we get the further we move apart though and I miss the times when I was in high school when I would go lay in bed with him late and night and talk about all the things that I was thinking about the world at the time. We don't have those moments anymore and that's what I really miss the most.
He's enlisting in the army...on Monday. He's going Special Forces...that's extremely scary for me and I don't know how to deal with it. I always knew he was going to join the military but I never wanted to think about him picking such a dangerous job. If I had thought about it a lot I would have known though because he always was one to take the hardest job.
Anyway, so last night Brad took me to a basketball game with his friends and introduced me to all of his friends. I felt really out of place. My brothers friends were all really nice to me but I knew the only reason they would ever have talked to someone like me was because I was related to Brad. It's a little strange to deal with and always makes me feel a little self-conscious. Not to mention they are all gorgeous, beautiful men that I was attracted to. SO I felt even more out of place because I'm used to attracting people to me with my intelligence and humor and that didn't really have a place there because we had nothing in common. Not that they would see me as anything other than B's sister and that bothers me. I like to be defined by my own merits and that would not happen here. I feel so lonely. Other people, when they go home, have friends. I have to borrow them from my brother. And I feel the need to be a different person.
This may shock everyone but when I was in high school I was a lot different than I am now. I was egotistical and had a big attitude. People didn't fuck with me because they were afraid of my temper. Now I'm mellow and calm and very forgiving. Then I didn't forgive anything at all. And when I'm here I see my brother being the same way I once was and I start to slip back into that type of mentality. But I can't do it like I used to because I have become a different person and so I feel like I'm half-way faking my life while I'm here. I don't know if I'm coming home next year for Christmas. It hurts too much and I do nothing but cry the whole time.